Not the best day today . . . .

Do you ever have one of those days where everything just keeps getting worse? Today was my lucky day for "let's see how much Jane can take before she cracks" day.

First of all, I have let my guard down again, just a little this time, and actually depended on people. I just counted on them to be genuine and caring. Who knew? Big mistake on my part. My other huge mistake was in thinking that just because some people were "like minded" in their beliefs, I held them to a higher standard. I have to wonder how many times I will have to learn this lesson? God, is probably shaking his head and thinking, when will this girl ever learn? I did good this time and held my tongue, which for those of you who know me, is a miracle in itself. If you took each individual thing that happened over the course of this week, they all weren't really a big deal, but if you add them all together, and then dump them within about 24hrs of each other, they begin to get heavy.

I just get very disheartened and discouraged when all at once everything I do seems to fail or blow up in my face. It happens so many times. Why are fellow believers so mean to each other? They seem to get a sick enjoyment out of seeing others struggle.
I used to very rarely become easily discouraged and weary, but now, I find myself becoming so much more withdrawn and less likely to tackle projects that once seemed simple to me.
And it's not even projects, it's more like ideas and hope. Because for me, people don't realize, I live on my hopes and ideas. And when every hope and idea is ridiculled and frowned upon, or criticized down to the tiniest detail, I don't feel the value or point in my living.

I can certainly understand constructive criticism, but, to nit pick every flaw in every hope and idea that someone has seems to be cruel to me somehow. I keep trying to find the lesson I need to learn or the point God might be trying to make in all of these situations, but I just keep finding hypocrites, who would rather sit and point out others mistakes than to take a chance at making any of their own.

I find my compassion for others almost non existent at times and ask myself, if these people say they believe in the Word of God, where is their fruit? Why are they expecting my behavior to hold to a certain standard and theirs not?

I, yet again, was expecting to get compassion, companionship, uplifting and support from fellow believers in Christ and again, I was expecting too much.
But, it is to my own fault because I still keep thinking that fellow believers are different from unbelievers. The Holy Word of God, says they should be, but, their actions are not.
I guess the lesson here is that I should look at my own actions an hope that I do not treat others as I have been treated. And thank God for the small lesson, hoping to avoid a larger one.